Some gifts say ‘I know you well enough to make you blush and laugh at the same time’ — this crayon pack says exactly that, loudly and without apology.

Material & Construction

Built just like the classic crayons you remember from childhood, only the names have grown up (or down, depending on your perspective). Each crayon is crafted with the same waxy, ready-to-color construction you’d expect, packaged in a set that’s equal parts functional and wildly inappropriate. Multi-color variety means there’s a shade for every raised eyebrow in the room.

How to Use

Hand one to an unsuspecting guest, crack open the pack at your next get-together, or tuck it into a gift bag for the friend who thinks they’ve seen everything. Works beautifully as a conversation starter at bachelorette parties, white elephant exchanges, birthday celebrations, or any occasion where you want to guarantee at least one genuine spit-take. The color names — think ‘Anal Bleach Peach,’ ‘Just the Tip Teal,’ and ‘I Think I’m Going to …Cream’ — do all the heavy lifting for you.

Care & Cleaning

Keep your crayon pack away from direct heat and small children who can’t yet appreciate the comedy. Store in a cool, dry place and the colors will stay vibrant for whenever the perfect gifting moment arrives. No special maintenance required — just keep the lid on around anyone who can’t take a joke.

Discreet Shipping

Your Offensive Crayon Pack ships in a plain brown box with no hint of what’s inside — because the reveal is all part of the fun. Orders of $69 or more qualify for free shipping, and we send everything via USPS Priority so it arrives in about 3 days. Discreet Toys is a veteran-owned shop, and we believe every order deserves to arrive judgment-free.